Author Topic: Daily dose of humour  (Read 52188 times)

Offline Wizzard

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #30 on: May 10, 2006, 06:15:09 PM »
The Wisdom of an old dog
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged Mal  named Juneau along for the company.


One day the Mal starts chasing butterflies and before long, Juneau discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old Mal thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.  Just as the leopard is about to leap the old Mal exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"


Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew! says the leopard, "That was close! That old Mal nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.  So off he goes, but the old Mal sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.



The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old Mal sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?",  but instead of running, the MAL sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Mal says:  "Where's that damn monkey?  I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"


Moral of this story...

Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!  Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!

If you don't send this to five "old" friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.  I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more "youth challenged" than others!!!!

Good friends are like stars ... you don't always see them, but you know they are there.


People are like flowers , and I want to thank you for letting me walk thru your garden .
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Offline Recycle

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #31 on: May 10, 2006, 06:30:23 PM »
6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will he have left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing her since she spent his money? $7200.00 / 6 more years, 3 if good time...

Wrong...  He'll have $2800. She'll spend $7200.

And he'll get life for a third strike offense, since you'll remember from chapter 11 that Raoul already had a prior.
Dang I knew I was gonna get one wrong LOL! hehe
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Offline Dj:Eep

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #32 on: May 10, 2006, 09:05:28 PM »
It's ok! You can get some exra credit by answering this question:

If Tupac Shakur recorded 230,000 different words and variations thereof, how many different 8 word couplets can be spliced together to create new tracks to feed rumors of his death being faked.

If you can tell me how many rhyming 8 word couplets can be created, you win a 1990 Acura Legend . (we'll assume there is a generous 1:100 probability of words rhyming)
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Offline That_One_Guy

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #33 on: May 12, 2006, 11:00:17 AM »

Offline McT

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #34 on: May 12, 2006, 01:20:32 PM »
Tupac only knew five words........."wheres my crack pipe"......(4 words)....and........"Bitch".........( Occasionally pronounced as the gutter ganster I pack a  magnum in Ya face!-educationall apt spelling of "HO"...).....Which means that 230,0000 words is just a myth and as the proud new owner of a 1990 Acura Legend-i Of course.......I  Donate the vehicle to you my friend- ( As you have ample parking space and all that......!!....... :p6:.....)!!!!! :s6:
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Offline Recycle

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #35 on: May 12, 2006, 05:04:58 PM »
Tupac only knew five words........."wheres my crack pipe"......(4 words)....and........"Bitch".........( Occasionally pronounced as the gutter ganster I pack a  magnum in Ya face!-educationall apt spelling of "HO"...).....Which means that 230,0000 words is just a myth and as the proud new owner of a 1990 Acura Legend-i Of course.......I  Donate the vehicle to you my friend- ( As you have ample parking space and all that......!!....... :p6:.....)!!!!! :s6:
AHAHAHAHAHA  :s9:
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Offline Dj:Eep

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #36 on: May 12, 2006, 08:54:49 PM »
Tupac only knew five words........."wheres my crack pipe"......(4 words)....and........"Bitch".........( Occasionally pronounced as the gutter ganster I pack a magnum in Ya face!-educationall apt spelling of "HO"...).....Which means that 230,0000 words is just a myth and as the proud new owner of a 1990 Acura Legend-i Of course.......I Donate the vehicle to you my friend- ( As you have ample parking space and all that......!!....... :p6:.....)!!!!! :s6:

Notice i said "variations thereof" meaning that all 150,000 times he recorded the word "ho" count separately.

And if you want credit you need to show your work...(i always failed math in highschool for doing the math in my head and not showing my work)
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Offline McT

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #37 on: May 12, 2006, 10:31:04 PM »
Can I borrow a calculator or is that cheating?.. :p17:....230,000 X 2 = 660,000 x 8 = 5,280,000.....? head count!
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Offline McT

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #38 on: May 16, 2006, 12:53:00 PM »
A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad.

The boss liked the cut of  him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One," said the young salesman.

"Only one?" blurted the boss, "most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.
"I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his car probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the Deluxe Volkswagen Camper."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing.'"
Stretching sanity since the dawn of spandex..looking forward to every damned thing..life?..ITS GREAT!

Offline Recycle

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #39 on: May 16, 2006, 02:10:42 PM »
Can I borrow a calculator or is that cheating?.. :p17:....230,000 X 2 = 660,000 x 8 = 5,280,000.....? head count!
isnt 230,000 x 2 460,000 ? Seems like it is over here in Oregon  :p6: lol
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Offline Dj:Eep

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #40 on: May 16, 2006, 02:54:12 PM »
don't worry.... i'm still trying to figure out the math on that one...
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Offline McT

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #41 on: May 17, 2006, 12:24:12 PM »
Can I borrow a calculator or is that cheating?.. :p17:....230,000 X 2 = 660,000 x 8 = 5,280,000.....? head count!
isnt 230,000 x 2 460,000 ? Seems like it is over here in Oregon  :p6: lol

errr yep.... :s11:...must be a time lapse thing... y`know...
Stretching sanity since the dawn of spandex..looking forward to every damned thing..life?..ITS GREAT!

Offline Wizzard

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #42 on: May 17, 2006, 05:38:09 PM »
I think you're all stoned  :s3:
People are like flowers , and I want to thank you for letting me walk thru your garden .
                                         ...... Lord Buckley

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Offline Dj:Eep

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #43 on: May 17, 2006, 07:22:47 PM »
I figured out the formula for the first part of the question...

y(yx-1)

x=8 (8 words per couplet)
y=230,000 (words total)

total 8 word couplets: 7.8310985281 x 1042

Damn i'm a nerd.... and i haven't done algebra since high school.
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Offline Recycle

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Re: Daily dose of humour
« Reply #44 on: May 17, 2006, 07:34:48 PM »
Ill take your word on that one...
I still dont understand the question LOL
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