Author Topic: Europe/English  (Read 6604 times)

Offline That_One_Guy

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Europe/English
« on: April 26, 2006, 12:46:24 AM »
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!


Offline Recycle

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Re: Europe/English
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2006, 10:26:27 AM »
hehe that's funny!  :s9:
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Offline McT

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Re: Europe/English
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2006, 11:05:00 AM »
 :p6:lauah-
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Offline Wizzard

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Re: Europe/English
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2006, 05:55:55 PM »
Well that certainly helps me to understand my state governor much better .  :s6:
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Offline McT

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Re: Europe/English
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2006, 12:49:28 PM »
Swedish                                          English

Prick                                               Guy
Fan                                                 Hell!
Fat                                                 Tub
Ful                                                  Ugly
Rasta                                               Rest (take a nap)
Pitt                                                 willy (weener) Guess why brad pitt is popular here haha!!
Tramp                                             Step
Bus                                                 Mischeif
Punka                                             Puncture

 :s11:

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Offline McT

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Re: Europe/English
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2006, 02:08:08 PM »
Just found this in my inbox:

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or
a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.

Oh and......

-Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

-Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the
way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

-Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries and a DIET coke.

-Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the
pens to the counters.

-Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on
the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

-Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.

-Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of
a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new
shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker
pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled
out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a
lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years
after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of
Control Scalextric cars.
and finally.........

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the
toilet.

I am proud to be British
Stretching sanity since the dawn of spandex..looking forward to every damned thing..life?..ITS GREAT!


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